Return

This is my return.

I used to be skinny.  My hip bones used to stick out and the muscles in my back were defined.  I used to have boys swooning over me.  I don't anymore.

Life happened.  I settled down with a killer boyfriend who cares too much about me.  I don't have to try.  He loves me no matter what.  I shouldn't be complaining right? I'm living the dream. The American dream.  I'm at college getting a degree and working toward my dream job.  I have a stable boyfriend who I plan on marrying in the future.  But I'm not happy.

I shouldn't say I'm not happy.  I'm not happy but I'm not terribly unhappy either.  I just wish I was skinnier.

I like myself.  I'm blessed with a pretty face.  I have beautiful hair.  My overall body shape is great.  I just need to cut some more inches and pounds off.

I weigh 177 lbs.  I want to weigh 130 lbs.  That's 47 pounds.  That's a lot.

People don't expect me to weigh that much, though.  Which is infuriating.  Why am I so heavy?

Anyway.  This is my return.  My return to the body I used to have and my return to blogging.

When I got skinny last time, I encompassed a pseudonym of "Strength."  Strength is stronger than me.  And when I become her, I get results.  The problem is that she sometimes gets ahead of herself.  She starves herself and takes laxatives.  She swallows diet pills and then doesn't eat.  She goes overboard.

Strength isn't necessarily bad, though.  Sometimes she does need to come through.

But this is the reincarnation of her.  A better version of her and me.

This is me.  More open and exposed than I ever have been.  And this is her, trying to help me.  She and I are on this journey together and trying to find a balance in our lives.

I appreciate any sort of support you are willing to offer and I hope to do the same for you if you are in a similar situation, but this blog is for me.  To get a hold on my own life.

Time to return.  Time to make a change.

Xoxo,
Strength
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